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Wishing On A Star
Pic of my upcomin kid - and girl
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...39#post5563439
^^^Audio Link for OM^^^
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...2c0d578812.jpg
It started one night, nothin was planned
Started flirting which led to romance
We knew what we were doing, but couldn't keep control
The temptation was to strong just to say no
Before anythin started we knew the consequences
Shows how much we grown up since we payed no attention
We said, nothin will happen, no need for protection
Then she took a test, and told me she was pregnant
No need to mention, A hug led to a kiss
A kiss led to touchin, And a touchin led to this
Started making love, ignoring the future
Then she told she was pregnant, now i really couldnt lose her
I was confused here, 9 months for thinking
Kid aint even born, and i've already started dreamin
My father decieved me, so i can't think of leaving
Succeeding to be the best dad is what i'm percievin
At first i was nautious, and was cautious of the concept
But now i accept this process as God's Gift
I can't stand it, to think to abandon it
Cuz if i ever do, is the day im in a casket.
Just wish on a star, for the pregnancy to be proper
Things will prosper, just leave ya faith with the doctor
If theres complications, We will work out the problem
nothin is impossible, cuz we can resolve em
A miracle upon us, so hard to believe this
But we need to stay strong, Never show weakness
Hold my hand, Grasp on mine forever
Never let go, And we'll manage this together
Gotta stay responsible, never let this break us
Bind our hearts together, Thats how will make trust
when we bind things together, notice how me make stuff
And im glad its wit you, Cuz we even have made love
Hope our kid dont blame us, Im glad it was made
The pregnancy wasn't planned, but it wasn't a mistake
When its all said and done, im left to be amazed
My girl is great, now a kid to top off the cake
Started a family, one that i'll protect
A family i wont neglect, Just givin my respect
And as time passes on, i want everyone to know
My family is the Star, and it will do nothin but grow
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Re: Wishing On A Star
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Re: Wishing On A Star
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Re: Wishing On A Star
This was a dope piece I like that it was personal to you. I got a son on the way so i can relate to this a lot. Thought it could have been more complex at points but all in all it had a dope flow and it touched a nerve, and thats more important than anything.
Good Shit
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Re: Wishing On A Star
this was good man congrats
your vocabulary, setup and visuals were nice
i'd give this a 4 outta 5
keep elevating
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Re: Wishing On A Star
I liked this pieace wordplay could've been better but the emotion was good you stood on topic structure was ight ............I don't know why but I liked this it wasn't boring it was simple but not boring the title was good ............keep elavating next time juss use better wording
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Re: Wishing On A Star
werd thanx. for feed everyone
If ya got any links and they aint in your sig post em
I luv readin pieces so feel free to drop links i get bak to ya 99.9% of da time
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Re: Wishing On A Star
hit up my 2 om's honestly plz and my battle vs kid or meters honestly plz if u reallly don't mind
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Re: Wishing On A Star
Done........ Uppin for feed
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Re: Wishing On A Star
really good work, man. me and my girl are working on havin' a kid right now. even though we have a 7 year old daughter. see the thing is though shes not my kid by blood. sooner or later im adopting her though. since her father never calls or pays child support. good to see you arent one of those idiots out there. who walks out just cuz you have to be a responsible. taking different tracks in life.
overall this piece was probably the truest shit ive read on RB. flow was nice and smooth. not that i know how old your kid is... congratulations.. emotion was definitely on point, bro.. touched me alot.
keep on writing..
peace..
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Re: Wishing On A Star
dope piece. The flow and rhyming were a little meh, but you more than made up for that in emotion. I could tell that this piece felt personal to you. Your imagery was vivid and well done, and you used approprite vocabulary. I liked your approach to the subject, it was different than I've seen before. Overall this is a great piece
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Re: Wishing On A Star
decent piece nothing spectacular nor to say about it really...nice wording in areas your flow was on and off..yoru scheme was simple but it was iight didnt detract from anything... your vocab could use some upping aswell as your emotion but your getting there man your getting the hang of wriitng...just try and feel your piece more homie...
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Re: Wishing On A Star
Werd thanx for all the feedback - appreciate it....... Hit up links from your sigs..... so thanx appreciate it
Uppin
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Re: Wishing On A Star
Finished wit audio part
anywayz uppin for feed
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Re: Wishing On A Star
Good work man, you painted a strong picture of a fella accepting responciability and told a story which was universal enough for everyone to relate to. The vocab was solid, the rhymne scheme was solid, the imagery was strong and the topic was original. The length and plot development speed was just right as well. You've got a future as a topical head on this site. hell, you should have a crack as the SS league.
Keep on posting.