Wk4/ Cry (3-0) vs. Meters (1-0)

Ok, Gentlemen, week 4 is upon us...
It's a smaller group of participants this round.
Too many no-shows...let's see if we get more activity without em!

If reminding is needed...it goes like this...

Check in by Wednesday...or YOU LOSE! No exceptions...
At the time of check in drop the topic you wanna write about...
It can be about anything...this shit is about you, the person, you the writer...
What you have inside you that you wanna get out in written word.
Be it your shitty week, the story of you and your girl...
Your inner-most hatred, your ultimate adventure...
Whatever.
BUT MAKE SURE YOU LET YOUR TOPIC BE KNOWN AT TIME OF CHECK IN.
This is to reduce the chances of you waiting until the last minute...
Then posting up an old piece you wrote 3 years ago.
I REALLY hope you don't do shit like that...please write fresh, aight!

Maximum 36 lines...if you drop more, your opponent can request a DQ...
AND HE'LL GET IT! Please keep these verses fairly quick and easy to read.
That'll keep votes and interest going!

Due Friday, Midnight.

That's all, I guess...please tear this shit up!!!

Peace and good luck!!!
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what up cry, good luck.

topic - life is brevity

check... sup bro..






topic - Sentimental Value

Sentiment's Different Values
By: Nash




insane with greed... a dame with cheese
the money that could make even fame bleed
while life's the game to see, to her it's a toy
she'll buy it all and just spite any choice
lighting up any boys until she's through and done
just to watch them burn and find a new one
screwing some... as long as they pay
-for what it's worth, I'd stay away
she ain't no play date...
just a mundane fate who'd lay waste
to any space case guy at her expense...
but when she's done... the hurt's intense
she weeps and vents,
over not enough life and too much fake...
because although rich -
she'll never value love's taste.




...meanwhile

at a crunched pace... a little girl runs fast
because a short lived life doesn't last
straining herself to recieve enough past
[needed surgery, but it was too much cash]
so she rotted and thus lacked the time of day
to live in a design so frayed -
so grey, that even the tears ripped
scared shitless...
but staying strong when her hair stripped
unfair nicks inside her mind...
-when you turn twenty, divide the time
her line was drawn before she lived
with a family that valued her more than she did.



feel sorry for the rich? I'd think not
no sentiment for regret... she should bleed on
but this little girl, she's seen soft...
creating a difference, making us cry when she's gone.








pz 'n luck.

Life is Brevity (learning to thrive)

It ain’t mandatory to plan before me,
one step ahead of the coroner
cuz I was born on earth askin for more
then to go out in a flash of glory
some border turf and shoulder currents
seeking more insurance
but a beast of burden bears it’s teeth
as they break down in a ferment
after a rise, there’s a fall
in a fluid motion like heaving chests
can’t seek redemption in heaven
when only in life do demons possess
I’m slipping, searching for footing
nipping at the heels of death
cuz I only wrestle with immortality
When I’m feeling depressed

They say brevity is the soul of wit, silence is golden
So I get by with splitting sides, defined by the moment
won’t grow old as atonement for the sins of men
after all, my mind is potent
I’m not innocent, I’m spinning webs
what I survey, I also measure, mark and puree it
so why succumb to pure hate ‘stead of bein’ courageous
everything light yields unbearable weight in time
like when a girl conceives of love, and a single cell divides
..then a tiny hearts clatters, reaching out from dark matter
to form a Jacobs ladder ‘tween here and now 'n the hereafter
new blood w/ a fresh slate, but resentful of clear pastures
spent faces sneer fearfully, w/ desires venomous, snide
cuz the superstitious witness hellfire in developing eyes
the old ones are menacing, rotten a leathery yellow inside
as they cover up their jealousy decayed with mellowing minds
still eyes will pierce shallowly, each glimpse held in a vise
shedding light onto emptiness, no need for sheltering skies
as we grow, we forget we’re dying, seek wealth ‘n fine things
and begin carving our centers, engender with gentrified lines
guess we’re only truly alive when we sense our demise

Aaron - your wordplay was nice. It was both well rounded and well placed. Carrying a cool little flow and nice little rhymescheme on it's back. It all became catchy fairly early. The imagery was cool, painted a nice little short story in my head. The concept was different, never seen you do this before bro. It was creative. Especially towards the end of it all. Emotion was pretty cool man, figured with the concept you'd deliver in the emotion catagory fairly well. And you delivered. So overall a nice, new piece from you. Keep writing doggy.

Meters - First piece I have ever read from you, and I must say I was pretty impressed. Everything was nice expect for your wording. I don't know, it just didn't seem all that well thought out too be honest with you man. But that barely hurts the vote. So don't worry. What really hurts the vote is the concept and emotion. Concept has been done a million times in Intricate Emotions and Poetic Scriptures. And just because it's barely ever been done in Open Mic or Sacred Scriptures doesn't mean shit. Sorry, it just seemed played out and bland too me. Emotion also lacked a shit load. Couldn't really get me anything there? Other then that, imagery was fantastic. Flow was fluently strong. Rhymescheme was cool. Just had it's flaws that saddened me. But a nice first read man. Keep writing dude.

Vote - Nashy Boy

Cry Wins, 4-0
Meters Loses, 1-1

It sucks to hand out a loss when only one vote was cast. Sorry Meters.