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^ Its good it rhymes well, flows quite nicely... Not a bad all round piece to be honest dude can't wait to read the final draft.
Un corte en el interior
( A cut Inside )
Daggers Placed within grasp
My tight sweated palms slides the handle
Looking to the Cold Rigid Steel
Seeing Failures Face I weep
As a school girl faced with Rejection
My complex mind … Riddled with
Mysteries unable to solve my
Personal problems Slash After
Blood shed I bled slow
Looking Precise on Pain
I directly see no confirmation
My hart shatters cold beats
A sharp emblem-
The knowledge of relief.
Distgust slurred [picturess]
a brief a tesselate mind
and distained emotion
Denotes my strains
that rivets at the heart
and depicts the drips
that confines my soul.
I delve into the abyss
as I stroll into my slump
that sustains me to the wall
I have subjected my spine to-
and the flooding of the pupils
stricken my vision as i sit
contempt with my life.
Re: Verse To Member - FeedBack.
this isnt anything of significance..i was bored in cypher and typed this up and decided to put it here...the freak side
i twist ribbons around the presents given
im blitzed livin around the lesser minions
my pleasures given by naked nymphos
head,puss and anal come to mind
but you wont find my dick behind
it all in line when the slit is moist
the ditz is poised to get her hole stretched
ive composed next a series of storys
stretchin that asshole ive left it gory
pour me a drink and roll up my weed
after you suck my dick and drink my seed
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Narcissistic Walrus
new age zoos have been developed to boost animals esteem
theyve been in captivity for too long stuck in this cannibals dream
not free to roam,far from the trees of home and the water
only mating to keep delayin the species not for son or daughter
they caught her off the shores as she fished for a late lunch
thought shed fetch a nice penny she stayed in the cage bunched
hunched against the walls of a cage made for felines and canines
the weathers gettin warmer as we get further,now its daytime
sounds pound her ears and smells have swelled inside her nostrils
kids screams and pop corn popping trigger her to feel hostile
the smell of oil overpowers the food and twisted metal screeches
rides go fast and climb,find the time to give your green to the leeches
theyve breeched the games rigged them,and the freaks arent real
the truck backs up,merchandise viewed,shook hands make the deal
all of a sudden shes gotten a better look and her face is clearer
shes put in a twirling carousel thats wide and lined with mirrors
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
Messiah.
^ Its good it rhymes well, flows quite nicely... Not a bad all round piece to be honest dude can't wait to read the final draft.
Un corte en el interior
( A cut Inside )
Daggers Placed within grasp
My tight sweated palms slides the handle
Looking to the Cold Rigid Steel
Seeing Failures Face I weep
As a school girl faced with Rejection
My complex mind … Riddled with
Mysteries unable to solve my
Personal problems Slash After
Blood shed I bled slow
Looking Precise on Pain
I directly see no confirmation
My hart shatters cold beats
A sharp emblem-
The knowledge of relief.
Distgust slurred [picturess]
a brief a tesselate mind
and distained emotion
Denotes my strains
that rivets at the heart
and depicts the drips
that confines my soul.
I delve into the abyss
as I stroll into my slump
that sustains me to the wall
I have subjected my spine to-
and the flooding of the pupils
stricken my vision as i sit
contempt with my life.
this had potential to be a great poem messiah was that misspellings ment to be there or you did that for a reason? but i loved the description in the first part the words were beautifully used an messiah i loved your part but i think this could of been alot better thoe from both i can see the full potential of this poem i no you guys could of came harder an placed alot more feeling an detail in this especially using that for a title : )
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I dont even know what that title means lol... dude just told me to write something quick following his piece so i did lol. Thanks :)
Re: Verse To Member - FeedBack.
Into the Arms of Angels
You have broken my wings before
Depicting the stems that stray the feathers
Denoting the fathoms of my wildest dreams.
Come my Angel
Fix my broken wings.
Contemplate my faith
And deliver me from evil.
The sound of the wind is ever so tangible
And the tranquil scattering of the leaves
Help grace the essence that’s floating in
The wind as it fills my yearning alveoli.
My feathers feel discarded and are distal
To the horizon as they pluck my mind.
My thoughts are desolate, almost dyslexic
At the fact I cannot restrict my wandering
Torments that defect my halo’s shimmer.
I abide by the words of my Lord and in vane
Try to shatter the demons that clutter my
My bright beady eyes from the light.
I commend my spirit, as so many before me-
Bow my head in symphony; eyes wide shut-
Searching for answers on what is straining
This covering of glazed icy tips that’s beginning
To linger its way around my limbering self.
Release me o' Lord
Pray these ghouls
Cast back to the shadows
And shackle themselves to-
The fire of the abyss.
I confide myself within the sun
The way it carries itself across-
God's great sctructure and subdues
itself to his loving hands in the end.
.
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I poured my heart juice into the pen again.
Its where I play my feelings
on the propped parchment paper of my heart.
I love the snow as it blankets the last flower of winter
and how the birds echo in the distance for all to hear
as they stray from the cold into hibernation.
I love the summer and the blossom of life that injects faint smiles,
of everyone that seems to stroll by in their casual sunday wear.
My eyes see me through everyday of the year,
my heart the tool that wields the power of my emotion
destructive when I feel great rage; complacent with success
and anguish my body in times of grief and sorrow.
I accept the fact that most people's dream depicts their character
a strange notion but true as I know a few myself
they seem to take alot to heart and contort with the ongoings around them,
rather than span their own wings of destiny and fate
and fly free from anarchy and tyrants,
to learn that the only problems merely lie within the social injustices
that smear the paths they walk upon or so I percieve it to be like that.
I live for each second without hesitation or a backward step
pray for a brighter day than the last one thats just embedded itself,
in the back of my mind as a memory.
The cry of the day falls on deaf ears as I have no remorse,
no remorse to the activites that went down to day,
I just sit content with myself and welcoming the stary sky
as It roars in on the waves of the moonlight.
Most comment on my sanity when I spot things of sheer bliss and beauty
and ask if I can only spot the beauty of life, and not the darker abysses
of the world and maybe the demonic ones that self storage themselves
in my mind which is a side of me nobody has seen including myself,
as I fear it may be life ruining for me.
I'm reminded of the piece I last wrote,
around the same time last week,
I'm reminded of a line I wrote of a frail simpleton that smiles to the world,
Ironic I should sit here a week later, connected with that fictional person
when it would be impossible to sit here and no smile at the hazey dreams
as they flutter round the twilight that is my life.
I commend my way of thought,
a feat that could seem arrogant, but to me its confidence,
such a feeling that is without that shadow of a doubt,
a cliche yes, missing in day to day society, when it shouldn't,
because I find it to be beautiful when a task is met without a train of thought
that someone may fail.
Beautiful.
When looking back at the past 19 years of my life,
years I have seen through God's eyes
and played out on his actions for my admiration of him is unearthly,
I am fine that each night I find myself coming to the end of a day
and talking with my best friend,
the only one who listens,
the only one who gives no response but only signs.
I find myself confined to my heart and his hands that hold me
in the right hand of his father, a prayer of my own
whos love is the only one that caresses my soul.
You all will probably think I'm crazy but I couldn't care less
a line which may seem to be irreverant to a poetical piece
but its who I am, I speak words that should be said...
only at appropriate times.
I hope that you've enjoyed my song, my passion, my life
that was written and locked on that parchment from before
thats now been played for all of the Rapbattles public to hear
on the piano that keys only to the beat of my heart.
.
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ABL VERSE
[SOUNDCLICK]8455150[/SOUNDCLICK]
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wow no feed back odd fuck it im takin the kids to play in the snow
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my eyes started stuttering at the beautiful cutlery
my skin began shuttering,i find this knife is stuck with me
luckily i pulled it out in time to rush to the hospital
expressions dull,feelings are volatile,overcoming obstacles
it isnt possible despite my many failed attempts
steel opens my veins its like an icy lake,i beheld a glimpse
since the waters freezing i wonder why i should bother breathing
just a martyr bleeding,cutting steals the pain of my father leaving
i sought out needing affectionate love from a strong male figure
depression left me railed along with my cocaine and frail slippers
a tattered robe and mess of curls covers a girl no longer alive
her dad left his kids for new kids and a pearly white trash bride
deep seeded anger and hatred left this girl lost and depressed
the cost to confess is priceless,payment is being tossed into sex
she obnoxiously texts her "man",but his minds moved to new girls
teenage love lasts a week,you never forget sexy lips and blue pearls
facial features and curves that are memorized,but shes desensitized
he compliments her body and bright blues glowing through squinted eyes
she seems lifeless with out emotion and it stems from no devotion
her fathers poison to her is potent and she takes sips to calm her ocean
another fight,another cry,another slice,i dont know why,i even pry
but that knife is wedged in tight,at least the bleedings about to dry
with open eyes the color turns to glass,sapphires rust to brass
lips of red freeze icy blue,she smiles as her soul rushes past
unfinished--still workin on it,let me know.
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Peep... Off that uh.. Juelz Ortiz beat.. If u fah eva a fan of hip hop
I'm sick with the scripts nigga you'll get ripped, quick with the four fifth
Ur liver'll shift, kidney clipped, u gone need a lift, cuz that sum serious shit
Delirious witt, n im good with linguistics.. sick wit it, twisted like that Saw dude
Thats why i dont fuck w.yall fools, n u can call a nigga rude.. so, fuck you too
But what i do and when i do it, it's done, you dudes'll get sonned, nah, no pun
Cuz i can fuck ya mom, then make you my son, that or the gun, so which one?
Go dumb.. before i snap you niggaz, cock back and off the map you niggaz
Oh you dont scrap bitches..
Then you can feel em, i gotta extra clip, just cock back... n handle my bitness
Clappin these triggaz... like im ovatin with pistols, u gotta issue, i wont miss you
Precise like a missle cuttin the air like its tissue... wit da silencer hear it whistle..
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im workin on this
the night draws near,she switched the red light on
she laced up her corset while her legs fed nylons
my stiffness forms a pylon, she can tell im ready
my dick it swells up heavy,nude; i held it steady
im sweating as i enter in this sticky predicament
i cant back out,perspiration shows my sentiment
this laced maze is intricate im tightenin' the knot
like locksmiths with broken picks fightin' with the lock
she brightens up her block with deep hues of cherry
vividly emanating from her porch,this used up fairy
weary from working,with her tender muscles achin'
when the money rustles,it helps her shuffle naked
a muffled favorite bound tight with cloth and gagged
her parlor tricks have aged,her skins soft and sags
that face etched with sad,her depressions deepened
the lust would sneak in,only hidden while shes sleepin
peekin through venetian's,riddled with bi polar disorder
the last trick changed her,he would hold and support her
two court orders later she was sober,broke and strippin
all she wanted was for a man to hold her close and listen
inside her embers smoldered slow and glistened bright
she held back her usual rage her minds switchin lights
the front lights off,the rear fluorescent sprung to life
a normal reaction to her thick mixture of rum and white
the chalky substance left in the bottom of her glass
is just to get her through workin a condom with her ass
another autumn passed and her rooms still blushing
night jobs mixed with coke,rum and real touching
in the backroom hushing up her client while she ridin
glidin up and down a strippers pole,inside shes cryin
she dreams of a life with no tricks,tearin up chokin
she could only picture that bleeding bulb broken
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a womans purest form is before adolescence
innocent and oblivious to realities perceptions
corrections have been made about her equality
but if we married she would probably still follow me
i hope shes swallowing is the thought men conjure