Hey there!

It looks like you're enjoying Rap Battles Forum but haven't created an account yet. Why not take a minute to register for your own free account now? As a member you get free access to all of our forums and posts plus the ability to post your own messages, communicate directly with other members and much more. Register now!

Already a member? Login at the top of this page to stop seeing this message.

User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Showing results 1 to 15 of 16

Thread: Mark of Man

  1. #1
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Home
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,767
    Battle Record
    44-6

    Mark of Man

    The Mark of Man

    Let there be light, within the unkempt shadows of solitude
    As God discerned a flurry of images into his polished view
    Upon it too, vastly gazed creations of newfound creatures
    Pristine oceans swallowed the mouths of grounded features
    A world of entities to fulfill the lust of God's expectation
    Had failed to satisfy the confines of his mind to admiration
    His hand's creation, instilled unto him the threads of heaven
    To let beings in the image of him opress and shed breath in

    A brief brush of dust onto God's canvas branded mankind
    The divine right of life into his children to be sanded by time
    Candid but fine, we reigned with riches and sought bounties
    Glorifying God's feat with deceit, a flood of sin was amounting
    Our profound King, fell before the hands of his own creation
    Stationed with Satan below the depths of known acquaintance
    Reincarnation of his soul in us brought torment to this iniquity
    Scaring the face of our father's emblem, the blood trickles deep
    As our sickle reaped at beauty's feet conquering all before us
    Piercing our own pictues into the corners of what we tore up
    A sea short of, what was once a world of immense splendor
    Is now a universe of mockery to the hands of man's inventor

    Skyscrapers of flame and fury, part of the scars that we dealt
    Are shards felt wthin the veins of Earth itself to resemble hell
    Stagnant water reflecting embers of brushfire upon its plains
    All because the desire for gain breeched beyond and decayed
    We haunted this place, exposing all but ourselves to extinction
    Instead of harmonzing with the voice Mother Nature singed in
    Ourselves are all we're in sync with, we've erased its beauty
    Like a walking disease upon the crates of earth defacing truly
    Our duty, the first incision that marked the start of our species
    Ceased the heartbeat of nature, bringing an end to its breathing

  2. #2
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

  3. #3
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Home
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,767
    Battle Record
    44-6
    done.

    Akrillic-Freestyle

    Mindone-forgot the name of the piece. lol.

    uppin.

  4. #4
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Home
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,767
    Battle Record
    44-6
    uppin this. drop feed and a link. thanks peepz.

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Optikal's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    S. Calif
    Age
    39
    Posts
    70
    This was a long one, one of those dictionary type writtens. Rhyme scheme of nice and clean. Flow consistant on most part but stretched out a bit at certain points where multiple syllabol words were used. I like this drop none the less, A good read that kept my interest. Keep writing....

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=153842
    return the favor
    Meta5 In the Flesh

  6. #6
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Home
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,767
    Battle Record
    44-6
    sure thing. i'll hit that up lata. thanks, uppin this.

  7. #7
    .Spitualistic.
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    --------------
    Posts
    7,156
    Battle Record
    33-13
    i liked this piece, flowed consistant 4 me, multis r a +, kept me reading, grasped the concept of ur mind..........overall i like this piece very well, uppin....

    KALIKOZE911...

  8. #8
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    7,366
    Battle Record
    3-2
    Awards OFOTK Champion
    Perfect. this was truly an amazing piece. what stands out to me the most is the content. it was evident that you had most likely worked on this for some time, which showed. again, the content was great. i just wanted to emphasize that because i see alot of OMs and verses written based on rhyming, and they sacrifice the message and content. you, on the other hand, found the way to perfectly fit in rhyming with what you were saying. there were plenty of multis in this but they didnt distract you from the content, which in my eyes are the best multis.

    the imagery was a close second to the content. great wordchoice on each line, though somehow you managed not to over-vocab this piece. emotion was fine, you basically kept the same tone throughout. every aspect of this was well done. a read-twice-or-more piece. excellent job.

    favorite lines:
    "A brief brush of dust onto God's canvas branded mankind
    The divine right of life into his children to be sanded by time"
    - could of well been the opener. imagery, rhyming, wordchice, all exceptional here.

    "Scaring the face of our father's emblem, the blood trickles deep"
    - meaningful content, vivid emotion.



    Sunrise, Sunset.
    A ruthless
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

  9. #9
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Home
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,767
    Battle Record
    44-6
    thanks man, i appreciate it, i'll hit urs up for sure.

  10. #10
    Be Safe!!! Lingwistik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,273
    Battle Record
    2-0
    yah man, this was amazin, damn, haha i thought you were someone else

    anyway, great vocab, i thikn the most vocab i ever seen in a song, and great flow, and yes it was very long, good concept too, and imagery and everyhting that comes well with a great piece

    keep it up man

    peace

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  11. #11
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Grizzly City, California
    Age
    37
    Posts
    3,160
    Battle Record
    16-5
    Awards PC HOF OM HOF
    okay
    you had smooth flow...and a nicely legit rhyme scheme,your piece was also well worded i had to look a few words up in the dictionary to learn the true meaning....this drop was dope man....i loved the nicely done structure which kept it all nice and complex

    dope job peace
    Last edited by Kaotic Theory; November 7th, 2004 at 10:31 PM
    AI

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  12. #12
    DiZtuUrBed VoKal
    Guest
    It was good but it seemed like a Story from a J.R Tolkien Book or a long poem but it was nice

  13. #13
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    N.E.England
    Posts
    8,020
    Battle Record
    34-10
    Awards OM WOTM SS HOF SS HW Champion OM HOF 25+ Wins
    Ace i liked the style you used in this, i prefered this to some of your work, this seemed to flow smoother, sometimes i find you stretch your lines out a bit then try to mask it my using a smaller font... lol... but yea i liked this one man.... good job
    ....could you hit my latest... thnx man
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  14. #14
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Home
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,767
    Battle Record
    44-6
    thanks man. i will do so when i get back on. i appreciate it.

  15. #15
    Brace4impact
    Guest
    Another Chapter : of feed back ...Great flow what every one in open mic is looking for great vocab. and multis. Intelectual contex One of the best ive read : how ever I think that sometime rymes are to complex and to symbolic and that kinda takes somthing away from us Dumb niggas that can think so deeply cuz we smoke to much pot...But over All great drop Im glad I went back and found it ,which wouldent of happend if you dident leave feed back on my latest piece thanks on both counts homie .. I mean geting feed back and for being able to read a great Piece....

Similar Threads

  1. YungDosia -VS- Mark K.
    By YungDosia in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: January 3rd, 2010, 09:22 PM
  2. The Mark
    By -=HazE=- in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: June 7th, 2006, 04:49 PM
  3. The Mark of Man
    By >Inertia> in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: November 7th, 2004, 08:13 PM
  4. The Mark
    By soprano in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: June 5th, 2003, 03:32 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •