Styles

[>Inertia>]

What the hell can I do
All I do is try and write true,
to my feelings.
Words crawl through my veins
..like centipedes scuttling
to cake inside the tips of my fingers.
The wind uproots me,
shaking me until my style switches.
I sometimes wish my mind was a flower,
stuck in one place until
the writer's block consumes me and
my petal droop and wither.
Nobody likes my style?
Fuck y'all..heed the deep bellows
of my soliloquay while I stand
dripping from the golden river of sunlight
I'll cut my wrists open and let the words
drain through my flesh
I'm like a raven
perched atop this solitary cliff.
Sever my brain into demi-moons and let
them rift.
Feverish contempt drools out my eyes
because i'm pissed.
Maybe y'all shallow bitches will appreciate me,
when my style switches.

Permeating the premises of self-governed security
The cross singes my eyelids, mocking holy maturity
I don't like it when the morning dew turns on me
Wrapping me into poetic mindrames like a tournequet
Relics of recent scars stands stable around the throat
Everyone to ever consume my air is a scapegoat
For my poetry to flow on, but I know the Block will prevail
Pressing down on my shoulders like a sweat drenched veil
And while the heat of despair slaps me across the face
Every cell in my brain will lower to their knees for grace
Pessimistic idiot, get lost in my pupils and you'll see,
I'm broken. For me, every fucking ocean is half-empty.
And heads turn away from me..call me a disgrace,
So reminisce on my face, that the cool stone replaced.

[Maven.]

you know, this really had a beginner open mic style in the format of it. the whole style switch theme. It was...i dunno, a strange mixture, because you have this really intense imagery mixed with something so basic. It was nice.

It seemed like you were doing a "this is on the outside" with the first part and a "this is on the inside" with the second part.

I would take some emphasis off rhyming, if i were you. You have a really dope writer's voice, and like i said, amazing imagery, but your style just seems very confined by the need to rhyme a word at the end of the line. Then again, I've only read this piece from you, so I wouldn't know. But just try to let yourself flow out completely, disregarding rhyme, punctuation, everything and see what comes out. I think you'll find it pretty dope.

Nice piece.

[>Inertia>]

Usually I don't even rhyme my poems.

Peep some of my other shit, and you'll see. Thanks for the crit though.

[Mesmerize]

you def switched up styles with this one, lol. Very nice stuff. For one thing, ive seen this concept done before but you definately kept it unique like always. I love the words you used for this, along with the rhyming, considering you never rhyme in your poetry. It was a nice switch-up you might call it. The first part was completely different than the second part style wise, i dont know if you were trying to do this purposely because of the concept of the poem or if it just came out that way. The second part was much more poetical whereas the first was an OM type thing in a way. Nevertheless I actually liked how you done this, it was different than most peices you read in ps. But all in all, the imagery and emotion of this was excellent. Very nice drop.
Keep it up.

peace,
Mez

[Thrust]

man, you don't ever have to change your style because i've always liked the way you writen. this piece was the same. i liked your agressiveness towards the people who don't like your style, and the things you related along with it. with the style switch at the end, that too was good. both parts got me interested equally, because structure isn't a factor for me, though i like seeing the 1st part more. you held it down well. keep up the good work.

[ALEXE]

What the hell can I do
All I do is try and write true,
to my feelings.
Words crawl through my veins
..like centipedes scuttling
to cake inside the tips of my fingers.
*nice imagery, good layout*

The wind uproots me,
shaking me until my style switches.
I sometimes wish my mind was a flower,
stuck in one place until
the writer's block consumes me and
my petal droop and wither.
*really good imagery, nice meta, really well displayed*

Nobody likes my style?
Fuck y'all..heed the deep bellows
of my soliloquay while I stand
dripping from the golden river of sunlight
I'll cut my wrists open and let the words
drain through my flesh
I'm like a raven
perched atop this solitary cliff.
Sever my brain into demi-moons and let
them rift.
*wow... my fav. lines up here, the imagery was just crazy, the raven thang just blew me off and the vocab was pretty good...*

Feverish contempt drools out my eyes
because i'm pissed.
Maybe y'all shallow bitches will appreciate me,
when my style switches.
*the 'switches' btwn elevated vocab and the street slang is pretty ... eh, unattractive... some words have no place round there...kna'mean?*

Permeating the premises of self-governed security
The cross singes my eyelids, mocking holy maturity
I don't like it when the morning dew turns on me
Wrapping me into poetic mindrames like a tournequet
Relics of recent scars stands stable around the throat
Everyone to ever consume my air is a scapegoat
For my poetry to flow on, but I know the Block will prevail
Pressing down on my shoulders like a sweat drenched veil
And while the heat of despair slaps me across the face
Every cell in my brain will lower to their knees for grace
Pessimistic idiot, get lost in my pupils and you'll see,
I'm broken. For me, every fucking ocean is half-empty.
And heads turn away from me..call me a disgrace,
So reminisce on my face, that the cool stone replaced.
*the ending went out with <aplaudes, aplaudes> <A. Dieu Has Now Left The Building> <ppl fainting in the crowds> and shit, man, over all it was tight but the ending was really cool, deep and real
Much respect
1*

[Wrenegade]

Sorry This Wasnt A Verse, Nope It Wasnt This Was Art

Your Rhymes Were Complex, nice scattered rhyme scheme....

i liked these lines:

And heads turn away from me..call me a disgrace,
So reminisce on my face, that the cool stone replaced.

your writtens are pretty good man....i like this piece alot that i have it on my favorites now....very nice work man

9.2/10

[Killa-Mic]

i like the title on this than on any other one than i read so far

[Selah David]

I get the idea that you have writers block or you're frustrated becuz no one understands your style and the 1st part is u putting things in lamens terms. Ad the 2nd part is u being you. Very interesting, I like the second half better cause I have an appreciation for complex things

Check my piece "My Body Hurts"

['--'Taser.--.]

thats cold my nigga..

*props*.

[Foreshadow]

Mac this was a great poem and I really loved the read that I got from this. It is sort of like why and why not but I really was feeling this.