Mephistophelian Sonata

[Rorshak]

Short song I wrote. Feedback appreciated.
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My knife starts shredding the tissue of your flesh
As your veins begin to sever you become a bloody mess
You scream because you fear the everlasting rest
I watch as the red glistens on your bloody vest
Laying on the floor with a split open mid-section
I'm preparing my scalpel and my other cutting weapons
It's too late now you could have learned your lesson
But that doesn't matter as I slice through your intestine
Using my bone saw for the act of rancid amputation
Cut your jugular and hang you on a hook for exsanguination
Slicing up your face till you look like you've been through a mutation
The sight of your desecrated corpse was the cause of my regurgitation
Wipe the vomit off my mouth and I continue to giggle and moan
As I carve off your meat and rip the marrow out your bones
Consuming of the dead as I cut out your fucking innards
You know the sliced carrion will soon become my dinner
Carve, hack, slice, chop, rip, cut and fucking tear
Your goddamn remains have been scattered everywhere
I take a hammer to the head and pound till I hear the crack
Then I pull the fucking spine out your motherfucking back
Now my work is done I hang the remains on my rack
Yet another finished homicidal dissection
Just more viscera that I add to my collection


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=218861
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=218675

[sILLable]

your structure is aiight..pretty good the way you laid it out..but a few of your lines were too stretched.....good ideas...you need to elevate on your vcab and use soime more complexity in yur rhymes all in all not too bad but needs some elevtion..~1~