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Thread: Dancing With Rotten Flesh.

  1. #16
    ~~~{ :) E s c's Avatar
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    Aight nice shit some nice multies but sometimes they were forced....you had a good aprroch.and at the end had a nice twist...some lines were off.but most of it was good well done.
    Move on , no irony here.

  2. #17
    Instaboner XxPHATExX's Avatar
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    Very good imagery in this. I could see it all happening. Also good voice. I could hear everything going on. Also nice vocabulary and nice flow. Everything went well in it. No flaws in this. Very nice for a first OM... Bravo!
    bitch
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  3. #18
    Back On My Grizzy
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    Quote Originally Posted by -Twizted-
    Sweet smells, discreet spells, time caught in a bind
    Weeks tell, complete hell, as I try to unwind
    It was late in the noon, so came the moon, too soon
    And the damp odor of her body hit my nose like perfume
    Wrapped in its warmth, though she was cold, we made out
    I sometimes choked on her tongue or the teeth that would fall in my mouth
    I didn't mind, we romanticized, danced all night... Nothin' as beautiful as this
    Sometimes we would pretend to get married....... we were, when we were kids
    See I knew this chick, we used to date, it wasn't a loss of words
    Now I like to rub and finger her cold pussy to show my love for her
    But back then, we were close... She was breautiful, I couldn't stop that
    Eventually she left me, but I stalked her, one day it'll all come back
    Waiting for four years, mind growing deeper, insanity was a walk through the park
    I had the wire gripped in my hands, coming from her work, in the dark
    N' I sprang out, no questions asked, I wrapped the bitch around her neck
    Then dragged this corpse of beauty home by her leg..
    Once home, I set her in the hall, grabbed my toolbox with a jerk
    Then after I set her up on the table, I began my heartfelt work
    Balming fluid, ice, plastic... Anything to preserve this hollow angel
    Once I removed her organs, I placed them in the rusty tub, mangled
    My eyes grew wider, sparkles jolted through the tip of my brain
    A grin drew upon my face, I held her tight against me in pain
    "I knew you wanted me back, you always did, I'm the greatest"
    "care to dance?" "oh yes I would." No need to state it
    We played the tango, sweet movements, I didn't miss a step
    Back, Forth, Dip... The kinda shit to take a woman's breath
    We fell asleep on the couch, more in love witheachother than ever
    She wouldn't eat, so I brought her wine, my ideas were clever
    Falling asleep in my harms, my beloved corpse, I told her hush
    As she layed in a dramatic stance and I sewed her eyes shut
    The next morning, I turned on the news, they knew it was me
    So I set the table, and sat with my darling.. No attempt to flee
    The police had came, busted through the front door "hands in the air!"
    I tilted my head back in my chair, and laughed aloud, they stared
    "Where's the girl? We know you have her, you sick fuck"
    Beating me down into the ground, they never gave up
    In the confession room, cuffed tight.. I refused to tell
    I told them strictly that she was mine and my baby isnt for sale
    Half way dead, cold eyes, family and police still wondering why
    Finally before being fried, I exclaimed....
    "Where is she? I have eaten her... So maybe I can be beautiful on the inside"
    thats some hannible lector type shit right their fits in wit ur name perfectly dope good job
    HIT ME UP ON MYSPACE


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  4. #19
    Banned ?Loz?'s Avatar
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    One word Sick.............................I cant say no more wat the fuck is goin on in ya noogin that was some sick shit but creative 2 thumbs up fuck struc

  5. #20
    Banned StevieFresh's Avatar
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    wuz poetic but it wuz disturbin for real. came wit the mutis,flow,wordplay, and waz very creative. disturbin imagery but it wuz cool like i said but story line was put together well...Good shit keep flowin..

  6. #21
    You've Earned a Custom Title! UptownNolia's Avatar
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    Damn Twizted...That was hot...It was weird by what u was talkin bout..But that was good..

    Its like i could picture it in my head..Mad props to You..Keep doin what u do

    ~~Peace~~

  7. #22
    yAfAVrAPPERSgHOSTWRITER jesta's Avatar
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    that was some of that next level, brotha lynch, Tech n9ne, eminem typa shit.
    that's why i liked it it was outside the box and twisted.live up 2 ya name.it kept me interested in what the ending was gonna be.

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  8. #23
    Banned Impossible920's Avatar
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    Wow, That is Amazing The sickest mind yet in the most cleverest way, It Shows a Gaint Symbol For love, If I could put love in the sickest diffenation this would be it, Never Have I seen something like this, I like it to the max. Keep it up

  9. #24
    it was very moving, interesting, and crazy.
    i like the wording you chose, and the topic went great withyour flow.

    all i could add is, Dope.

  10. #25
    Vlad.
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    love it!not tryin to be gay or nothin but i love it! that was hot....i really can't tell u what to elevate on...cuase everything was perfect....

  11. #26
    Mammoth Gangsta Movement
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    thats called sick dropp.......that was off the chian that was a good freestyle

  12. #27
    Banned Eye`'s Avatar
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    Homie you crazy as hell lmao...........this shit was dope.......kinda poetic ya kno
    i like how you told it storywise imagry was on point to me and vocab was decent
    shit was crazy how you ate her.......... so you can be beatiful on the inside that last
    line was intrigue'n the whole piece was good.........you showed emotion and everything
    damn good shit homie..........damn im babblin lmao 9/10 1 off cuz of structure and organization everything else was fuck'n twizted

    I agree with Malice.

    But let me add something. For a dope textcee, you came through with the dopeness in an Open Mic. Give you major props for this piece, due to the fact that I enjoyed the emotion and pictured the imagery in my cranium. <<tight vocab. yeh anyways, fuck the structure, 10/10 cuz you amazed me here man. pz.

  13. #28
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    That Was TighT..NiCe Verse...Well not even that..It was a Nice storyline. Very Creative. Flow and rythm was good. Very well structured. Cant Nobody touch that. Umm by the way..I need a poem for this girl. lol

    Keep it up..
    <img src="http://www.graffiti.org/london/slip01.jpg">

  14. #29
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Dresmoove's Avatar
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    yo dawg that was real hood homie keep that killa kali flow goin
    keep spittin dat real shit and smashin on these dum fuckas
    KILLA KALI

  15. #30
    Fuck You Tony B's Avatar
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    OMG! this shit was crazy
    at first i was like you twizted psycho, there's no way in hell this piece will be a good read or w/e
    but damn, the imagery in the OM was crazy
    very storylike, at some times you prolly coulda used different vocab like instead of sayin "finger her cold pussy" lol
    but yea, this was a nice drop, kinda poetic but kinda audio
    only problem i saw was that some of the lines were a lil stretched but even then the flow didn't fall off
    good emotion and everything, nice topic as well.....not somethin i coulda did but you pulled it off nicely, good job
    i still say your a twizted fuck though, i guess that why your name's twizted lol

    9.9/10 keep writin
    Last edited by Tony B; October 17th, 2005 at 05:22 PM
    - King Tone

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