Cloud Full Of Lies

[TwixSin]

Eastern string-holds shatter webs attached to reality
a slow misconception dispatched from vitality
weaves its way with hostilty... an infest
the rest birth, responsibilty, meddling with an unwanted guest
my mind creates new intricate patterns, settles for less
i press against a single hearst
the momento a crescendo... a thirst
...like a demented induendo that is never censored... cursed
Breaking into nightmares
hugging a hurst, using weapons shown
fuck leaping... im seeping chrome
smashing stars and slamming beers
creeping i slugishly roam home without peers

The Roadmap of my brain seems to drive on
through ringing bee hives and splitting knives I cry along
distoreted bong thoughts echo through lies like the shining
but im never blanketed by rage 'n whining
hanging onto my own nuce i seek a sage, ignorant youth
so i ask...
...how can you lead without truth...?

[B.I.Detained.]

Ok, first off IMO this should be posted in the poetry section.
You brought a very mixed message here, and although your
rhyme scheme was a little hazy twas still cool. You broke
with your own style which I like as most OM's on here can
get boring as hell.

the momento a crescendo... a thirst
...like a demented induendo that is never censored... cursed

Now this was good. Your rhyme scheme was ill here
so always aim to this standard.
Keep writing and doing what you do.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=243457- To All the Girls.
Leave feedback on this piece today please.

-B

[TwixSin]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=242478

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=243457

[C-Mac]

yeah i agree the ryhmeion scheme was different but still had a nice flow to it...i kinda got a mixed message and was a little confused about the whole topic or exactly what the verse was about.....i'll take a guess...drinkin too much wit ya buddies...or smokin' too much....iunno thats what i got at the ending part....anyways liked the fact that it was a different concept..not only the rhyming scheme but the whole body of the verse.....good shit

[TwixSin]

^^ thanks for feed.

[warchild]

I liked the concept but you didnt do enough with it one verse aint enough to really tell a story. I think the way you wrote it was real poetic so maybe it would be suited better as a poem than a rap but it was still a good read.
The opening to bars were real nice nice flow too then the imagery started coming through which helped the piece stand out but like i said i dont think you did enough with a good concept. Next time post up a longer verse or verses i think youd be a good OM writer, Peace.
Return the feed on my OM:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=243081

[Trema]

This was a very un-original piece and still kept me reading your vocab was what made this appeal to me it stood out. The feed above is very true but its nice to see something different on rb from time to time. There was good rhymes in this piece with nice complexity good one homs.

[Mistral]

2 links not 1.

[ApOsTaSy]

yeah this seemed more like a poetic kind of piece, but it was pretty good overall and i liked the topic. i dont know, maybe you were trying to make a rap out of it, but it was good. it was creative, had good word play, it was very complex, you stuck to your story. ya know, im not really sure what else to say, but this was pretty good overall..just keep doing you thing twixn.