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Thread: "In the Shadows of the Living Room"

  1. #31
     
    Join Date
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    link in sig.

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  2. #32
     
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
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    Harrisburg
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    Well atti there isn't much I can say cause' you know im a fan of all your writing.

    But I have to say that this poem, is the poem of yours that I can relate to the most. Because when I was on probabtion for that whole drug thing, I couldn't leave the house and I did shit like that all the time. The way you brought things that everybody does and then worded it so it still seemed somewhat complex, that just perplexes me. Like for instance the stanza about the game your watching on T.V. going slow and looking in the same cupboard like 20x... I think that everybody on this site can relate to that.

    Good writing man, I always enjoy reading your pieces.

    One love familio. Pz.
    Roc-A-Fella !

  3. #33
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
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    Canada
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    Lmao, I was flowin it to a song. This cat from my city had a perfect beat for that. But anyway, I thought you had a pretty good story. Kept we goin lol, and of course you had a good flow. Nicely structured with a good rhyme scheme, nice shit man. Poeticalness is realness

  4. #34
    You've Earned a Custom Title! I Am Unreal.'s Avatar
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    Ontario
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    Liked it 'cause I can relate to it. Boredom is fucking gay. The intro is great with the counting dots on the ceiling. At first read I didn't really grasp the concept but I read it over again and it was cool. The ending was suiting to the piece because there wasn't a whole lot of excitement or emotion put into it, but I did like the imagery you poured in with a decent use of vocab. Nice job.
    On the wings of maybe..

  5. #35
    The Drama Club
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Virginia
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    Word.
    The description of detail was gorgeous. I iked the piece with a passion. I enjoyed your directive motive. The stucture was good and all was at peace. You left me hangin because you didnt take a 3 Blind Mice approach.
    Life Is 10% What Happens To You;
    90% How You React To It.

  6. #36
    I bet you thought i was never going to reply to this did you...

    I never thought that you would finish this when i saw you post it in the cypher in Po... i thought i'd collab on it with you and everything but we doing someting different now... i thought that the begining stanza and everything that you posted in po was very good and now that its all finished is just amazing... you imagery was very good... yoiu had a slow feel to this piece while i was reading it... very drawn out feeling comes off to me when i read it like you want to be doing something else but im not quit sure... the emotion was simple but yet strong at the same time... but yeah the complexity wasnt too complex but it was still there enough to make you think what your piece is about. very nice once again..

  7. #37
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    Grizzly City, California
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    Awards PC HOF OM HOF
    OMG i thought this was clever and nicely formatted.
    imean the structure was beautiful the way you handled it,
    the imagery was very nice and shit, the emotin was above average.
    not a played topic at all, i thought it was nice and complex,good flow,
    the vocabulary was above average.nice puncuation and speeling.
    overall this piece was just a hair zhort of being flawless.....
    if i had to score this in which i dont do....but just to prove a point of what i meant.

    9.5/10
    AI

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  8. #38
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Dyl's Avatar
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    This was top notch stuff Atti.Your creativity was brilliant and your imagery was at another level.Every single one of your pieces captivate me and remind me how good of a writer you really are.There wasn't one thing wrong with this in my eyes it was just great to read.Reading this has expired me to now write a fuck load of poems but it will take me a while to actually be as creative as you

    The Ticking of the clock was a brilliant Idea and really went well with the whole piece.Look foward to your next piece and I think you have another HoF.

    -Dyl
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....

    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land

  9. #39
    Soule
    Guest
    The structre made my eyes ill. But i Liked it lol. The flow was cool and the wordplay was Mature enough. The story was understandable. So I give this peice a 9-10 keep it up.

    Hit up my OM.

  10. #40
    Uuuuuuum, I'm not sure how much feedback you're expecting in return for that because that, was pretty weak. And Dyl, I think the nomination thread may be closed.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  11. #41
    Thank you everyone.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

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