Probelms

[Heavy Christo C]

Hey guys this is just another freestyle thnks.

haters walkin with their automatic guns,
shootin at schools n claimin that satin are their numba 1s,
faggits dnt have nuthin betta to do,
so they grab a hold of stupid things n post em on youtube,
da worlds changin in many ways,
da sports r becomin planned ta win by pay,
da judges in boxin r robbin everyone when ended up in decsion,
they know who really won, they can tell by tha audeinces visions,
thats how horrible this generations becomin,
with people in tha hood just keep on gunnin,
n geogre bush keep on sayin lies,
hes tha real problem, hes da mosquito in a flock of flies,
rappers gettin shot on stage for nuthin,
tha people shootin them are claimin they did sumthin,
this worlds becomin hell in tha makin,
God gave us life n others just keep on takin,
tha polictics are causin more problems just ta keep everyone exited n interested,
but yet when geogre bush was president y wasnt Bin Laden arrested?
tha gouvernment only care bout their money,
wtf r they gonna do when a recision starts runnin?
tha cops bribin n rapein just for tha pleasure,
when they tha 1s claimin to havin all tha pressure,
tha lil girls bein kidnaped just cuz tha chances of STDs are lower,
then they get killed n tha cops sayin they workin hard on tha case,
but we all know they takin there time workin slower,
but when tha times rite n tha world get punished,
tha good 1s gonna be tha 1s unpunished,

[Intellexual]

haters walkin with their automatic guns,
shootin at schools n claimin that satin are their numba 1s,
Even when I try to replace satin with Satan, I'm still confused.

A few tidbits of your perspective seem to lack reasonable or mature correlations, but I otherwise appreciate where you went with this and the insights you've chosen to share (especially the substance and intent herein):
tha lil girls bein kidnaped just cuz tha chances of STDs are lower,
then they get killed n tha cops sayin they workin hard on tha case,

[VodkaRev<3]

haters walkin with their automatic guns,
shootin at schools n claimin that satin are their numba 1s,
Even when I try to replace satin with Satan, I'm still confused.

haha same.. i have to admit that this is better than the other one i just read. same problem with the language though. i feel like you dont express your views or whatever in a way in which others can understand them? you know.. ? i must say i didnt understand a few of those lines due to the language. try and put your points across more clearly.

some good points anyways, rhyming was a little better.. structure was better.. still not brilliant or anything, but better than other one just read.

keep writing

[Heavy Christo C]

thnks 4 feedback guys appreciated

[DramaJones]

[QUOTE=Intellexual;6880413]haters walkin with their automatic guns,
shootin at schools n claimin that satin are their numba 1s,
Even when I try to replace satin with Satan, I'm still confused.


Ok, I did get what you were trying to say on this. Good concept, rhyming and flow need some work though. Otherwise nice shit.

[Heavy Christo C]

thanks man