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Thread: Anna Maria

  1. #1
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Anna Maria

    Anna Maria
    Why can't I see her?

    My cage shakes with the loneliness, it closes in on my canopy.
    My face boldly embraces the coldness, holding onto my vanity.
    The old hopeless man in me is a bogus soul who loathes apathy,
    Who strolls happily through this mad life with no desire or fantasy.
    I have no fire or anxiety, Im only high on the entire lie of the sanity,
    I tirelessly try to cry but I panic maniacally, I need help in its entirety,
    I'm entirely emotionless, devotionless, hoaxing to cope with this.
    Only my motion progresses through the process of hopelessness.
    My conscious coaxs my focus from the hocus pocus it see's through,
    It invokes my potent hopes when it see's you and how I need you....
    I breathe through your essence when I'm blessed with your presence,
    I greed to need your lesson's through the messages you are sending,
    Mending my prowess, depending on the mutual blessings we pocess,
    I will infest your heart with tough love through the forever-ness of trust,
    And I will hide the lush blush of your touch in the treasure chest of lust,
    Through the mush I'll rush for the crush within the together-ness of us,
    If only you knew how I felt... Can you hear my heart melt and the beat pelt?
    You're edging yourself towards me, causing me to cautiously pause....
    You're the cause and the core of so many pure sleepless nights,
    The cure of my weakest might, what if we talk and you mean right...
    But you bore me freely, blindly see me and blandly need me,
    Will you free me from my easy life which shows no hope for me...
    Will you cope with me totally and go to sleep with me cosily?
    Will you hold me coldly and warm my soul away from the lonely?
    All these thoughts flow through me as you forceably approach me...
    You're openly open with me, saying you've noticed me soulfully.
    You always hoped that we'd talk and you'd get to know me,
    You're not only the lonely soul I hoped you'd be, just like me,
    You're also the kindhearted, quick-witted sister I thought you might be.
    We talked idoly until the sun rose highly and you smiled at me,
    We cried happily in each other, you killed my vanity within a shudder,
    You took the man in me and put it upto me to answer the sanity...
    I found a peaceful canopy in your eyes when you looked at me,
    And I knew what mattered to me when you told me you loved me.

    These last years have gone so quickly since you've been here with me,
    I admit the initial intamacy has hindered, and we have whimpered miserably,
    But we've both coped limitlessly, brilliantly and like our love - infinitely,
    Infamous synical's ridiculed our miracle at the beginning and the middle,
    We've stood strong at the pinnacle with minimal help from the whimsical,
    We instanly visioned the miracle of the physical form of free extasy,
    We listened to the lyrical excellence of orgasmic pestilence repetetively.
    To seperate me from you is to dedicate old to new, we are so true,
    Its like holding red to blue and hoping for purple, we're careful and fearful...
    Together we're tearful. Right now we're forever in this hospital of the fearless.
    We're near full to the tip of emotion, sadness and the devotion to madness,
    Our happiness and gladness is based on the rapid-ness of this blessed test...
    The zest of our quest is tested with this one single request of maybe death,
    We're left with the pressure and we measure the pro's and con's tirelessy.
    I try not to cry but Im devoted to the emotion and Im feeling the anxiety...
    I console and hold you mindlessly as the doctor timelessly approaches...
    He walks In slow motion with the poisened potion of your life in his hands.
    We stand to greet him, I shake his hand saying that its nice to meet him....
    I'm afraid of the paper that he resides in his palms, I see the shaking in his arms,
    Against all his charms I can't stay calm, come on...

    The darkness is as cold-hearted as your illness, but still your stillness bestows me.
    This moment overthrows me, controls me, holds me lonely as the tears flow freely,
    You seem to still see me, but it appears you no longer hear me. I call your name sweetly...
    ''Anna Maria'' I can no longer see her, a discrete tear runs down my face, tasting my lips,
    Falling to the floor with grace as you escape my grip. From my hair-tips to my hips, Im shaking.
    Im making smiles for an excuse which are just breaking, I'm faking happiness to this new born.
    I have got to be strong and move on and hold on strongly for our daughter, support her.
    You left a legacy through pregnancy, even death it seemed couldn't force you to abort her.
    You watered down your symptoms and then fell and drown in the ocean's they created,
    Strength within the sydrome bound your motion to provoke hatred against the life in your matrix,
    You later confessed that all that all you had left was giving birth before death,
    Until your curse would epervess you would hurt but accept the world and your debt.
    You saw that overcoming cancer meant you escaped the cold wrath of the reaper,
    And now that you sleep deeper I can see that you're back beside the keeper,
    And taking your life to see her means you're daughter will always remember you.
    Your's was the first face she saw, she entered you purely and exitied angelically.
    It better be fit for you in heaven and fit for me, fit all three of us the day that we are united.
    Just keep our path there enlightened and never be frightened, keep the sun shining bright.
    The lightening outside tonight means that even God has cried, but know he'll aceept you with pride,
    And Anna Maria will always remember the day her Mother died, goodbye.

  2. #2

  3. #3
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    Re: Anna Maria

    I shouldn't have dropped this so sudden, not again, because I know there are few who'd read it but I'd like a few honest opinions of this?

  4. #4
    I am in all things Well Versed's Avatar
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    Re: Anna Maria

    wow...dam that was a GREAT READ...where do i start...ok ur flow was a lil different...but still i managed to figure it all out...this story was so well written...a lil confusing at times but still i pieced it all together...tha only problem is how complex it was...im sad to say MOST pplz wont read this...but w/e...their loss...anyway...good flow...great conceptz...great vocab n shyt...great metaphorz n shyt...great imagery...n fukin great storytellin...that was just a fukin pleasure to read...KEEP ON WRITING HOMIE!!! my fav lines are...

    I have got to be strong and move on and hold on strongly for our daughter, support her.
    You left a legacy through pregnancy, even death it seemed couldn't force you to abort her.
    You watered down your symptoms and then fell and drown in the ocean's they created,
    Strength within the sydrome bound your motion to provoke hatred against the life in your matrix,
    You later confessed that all that all you had left was giving birth before death,
    Until your curse would epervess you would hurt but accept the world and your debt.
    You saw that overcoming cancer meant you escaped the cold wrath of the reaper,
    And now that you sleep deeper I can see that you're back beside the keeper,
    And taking your life to see her means you're daughter will always remember you.
    Your's was the first face she saw, she entered you purely and exitied angelically.
    It better be fit for you in heaven and fit for me, fit all three of us the day that we are united.
    Just keep our path there enlightened and never be frightened, keep the sun shining bright.
    The lightening outside tonight means that even God has cried, but know he'll aceept you with pride,
    And Anna Maria will always remember the day her Mother died, goodbye.

    tha WHOLE ending was PERFECT...FUKIN GREAT SHYT BRUH!!!

    yo RTF on any of my drops...
    I cannot list all of my best lines inside this signature
    because they number in the tens of thousands.


  5. #5
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Re: Anna Maria

    Quote Originally Posted by DJKingDavid View Post
    wow...dam that was a GREAT READ...where do i start...ok ur flow was a lil different...but still i managed to figure it all out...this story was so well written...a lil confusing at times but still i pieced it all together...tha only problem is how complex it was...im sad to say MOST pplz wont read this...but w/e...their loss...anyway...good flow...great conceptz...great vocab n shyt...great metaphorz n shyt...great imagery...n fukin great storytellin...that was just a fukin pleasure to read...KEEP ON WRITING HOMIE!!! my fav lines are...

    I have got to be strong and move on and hold on strongly for our daughter, support her.
    You left a legacy through pregnancy, even death it seemed couldn't force you to abort her.
    You watered down your symptoms and then fell and drown in the ocean's they created,
    Strength within the sydrome bound your motion to provoke hatred against the life in your matrix,
    You later confessed that all that all you had left was giving birth before death,
    Until your curse would epervess you would hurt but accept the world and your debt.
    You saw that overcoming cancer meant you escaped the cold wrath of the reaper,
    And now that you sleep deeper I can see that you're back beside the keeper,
    And taking your life to see her means you're daughter will always remember you.
    Your's was the first face she saw, she entered you purely and exitied angelically.
    It better be fit for you in heaven and fit for me, fit all three of us the day that we are united.
    Just keep our path there enlightened and never be frightened, keep the sun shining bright.
    The lightening outside tonight means that even God has cried, but know he'll aceept you with pride,
    And Anna Maria will always remember the day her Mother died, goodbye.

    tha WHOLE ending was PERFECT...FUKIN GREAT SHYT BRUH!!!

    yo RTF on any of my drops...
    Thank you very much, man. I owe you a shit load of feed, In the next few days Im gonna go on a feedback spree to get my own pieces fed lol, so I will guarantee I'll return the favour. Thanks man.


    Anyone else wanna leave me some critique on this?

  6. #6
    I am in all things Well Versed's Avatar
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    Re: Anna Maria

    oh dude i dont FEED to get FEED...i FEED to keep u guyz writing...keep u inspired...u guyz do tha same for me...tha more fanz i have...tha harder i will write...otherwise this is just a hobbie...i rather hustle n make some cash...ya dig??
    I cannot list all of my best lines inside this signature
    because they number in the tens of thousands.


  7. #7
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Re: Anna Maria

    Quote Originally Posted by DJKingDavid View Post
    oh dude i dont FEED to get FEED...i FEED to keep u guyz writing...keep u inspired...u guyz do tha same for me...tha more fanz i have...tha harder i will write...otherwise this is just a hobbie...i rather hustle n make some cash...ya dig??
    I know but I've noticed you give a lot of feedback here, and it's a breath of fresh air from the usual two lines of fb people get, so you deserve it.

    Cheers mannn

  8. #8
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    Re: Anna Maria

    Jeeze, did this ever get slept on. Such a great peice too. All the kats were there first of all flow, wordplay, metaphore, rhyme scheme, vocab ect.. You don't need me to tell you that much. But the story You've written here, for anybody who actually takes the time to read this peice... It's well worth it. The emotion and imagery you've created paints the perfect picture for the reader while giving them enough room to peice it together in there own view aswell. With that said, the ending was incredible... It shocked me to find out that she had died in the end, but only to have givin' birth to there baby girl. Very nice touch man, I really enjoyed this read. Was well worth it.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nk-399845.html

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