When Dike's pussy aches

[143]

twitching....


the flailing of string from undone stitching....

It's prominence is the effervescence that these situation would quench its thirst
Hoping to kill the ill vibe with ill scribbles and blacken hearses from the heart
Part those unseen seascapes to the mantle and bless the core with love
But
These situations are the most vulnerable exposing that underbelly
Testing ready the dreams deferred by parents and love ones
Fallen hopes that had roped itself around a tree for literacy

So the ends are wrestled into a slip not

Not letting purveyors know the secret language its body signs in private corners

Believing that the keeper of interest is sworn to illiteracy
Cutting of hands not give tells
Blackening the eyes so the soul is obscure in green velvet curtains
Dimming the sun hidden in the subway from the doors of the train station

And it burns

The twitching

earthquaking nerves into bad decisions

Spouting lust at whim's ankles

Cumming on Hello Kitty sheets

Pulling the stitching....



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post8692991
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post8692992

[Donald Trump]

@ILLunatic

[ILLunatic]

@143 the image has been removed, you know better than that

[Emily]

Bloody hell. I didn't even get to see the image.
It probably backed up the 'show not tell' rule ; )

I like the tone used in this. I also like the non-conformity of the subject matter.
A little controversial still for the mainstream, even in this day and age. Especially parents.
I'm guessing the pic was of two girls playing scissor sister, I mean, twister.
I liked the abstract nature of this. You had some beautiful lines that melted magically.

"twitching....


the flailing of string from undone stitching...."

Like the flow and wording of that intro.

"...Part those unseen seascapes to the mantle and bless the core with love..."

Nicely done.

"...So the ends are wrestled into a slip not

Not letting purveyors know the secret language its body signs in private corners..."

The perils of a taboo relationship/feelings are displayed well.

"...Blackening the eyes so the soul is obscure in green velvet curtains..." --- Lovely imagery.

"...And it burns

The twitching

earthquaking nerves into bad decisions

Spouting lust at whim's ankles

Cumming on Hello Kitty sheets

Pulling the stitching...."

I like that you did a 360 with the intro and outro, starting where you began,
keeping the cycle breathing and alive.

A engaging write up of a gay situation with a pic that probably backed it all up.
I thought you had some superb ways of phrasing yourself.
With a minority that still encounter prejudice and freaky social attitudes,
you threw a light onto the island of Lesbos.
A light that doesn't shine easily but in this case, you were able to illustrate the erotic desire between women - without it being perverted (apart from the title maybe).
A couple of typos along the way, but the imagery and atmosphere were interesting and I loved the language.
The hello kitty sheets took a surreal situation and blasted it into reality.

You're refreshingly current, quirky and cool.
I like that you take risks, and don't walk conventional paths.

And I really like this piece.