My Fear and Problem

[Laureate]

My Fear and Problem

Long bonde hair flowing in the wind, like gentle waves in water
As she glides away from me, while I gaze in amazing wonder
She seems to absorb the suns rays, and it is evident in her smile
Causes my legs to malfunction, her effect is undeniable
I'm guess I'm liable for my feelings, but my heart says let her go
My heads stuck in rain clouds, while she swims through rainbows
Theres nothing to love about me, below average guy with average traits
But when we peer eye to eye, my soul jumps and escalates
Been friends for over seven years, And I've felt the same since day one
I see her often luckily, and my emotion meter is overcome
She makes me stress the small things, normally I'm a ladeback guy
Still trying to work up the courage, to ask her out or at least try
I can't let her go, but I worry about our deep friendship
I wrote her a love poem, but was worried about my penmanship
My fear is rejection, but a bigger fear of never knowing
So I take a deep breath, try to keep my smilling heart from showing

[Mesmerize]

I thought you hit the beginning of this off well. The imagery and emotion was great. I felt that it wasnt as strong towards the middle but you came back with it in the end. The flow was smooth and structure was good. I enjoyed reading this and would have liked for it to be longer. Keep it up. peace.

Fav lines:

Long bonde hair flowing in the wind, like gentle waves in water
As she glides away from me, while I gaze in amazing wonder
She seems to absorb the suns rays, and it is evident in her smile
Causes my legs to malfunction, her effect is undeniable
I'm guess I'm liable for my feelings, but my heart says let her go
My heads stuck in rain clouds, while she swims through rainbows

[ProdiKaL Son]

I liked this fo real. Had a real nice flow to it, easily read, meaning and emotion clear. The start was definately stronger than the end, consistancy kind of wavered, but still i enjoyed the poem. Peace and love

[ILLusions]

"I can't let her go, but I worry about our friendship
I wrote her a love poem, but was worried about my penmanship"

^^^^
I really liked that line.....the poem was decent....you need a good job in showing people the picture and it's meaning. You kept it together all the way through and I think you really hit it at the end. Good work!

[Foreshadow]

Nice drop you had some real nice emotion which made this piece what it is. Imaginary was decent you had a couple of detail which is nice if your trying to draw a picture in someones mind. But this was good no doubt.

[Laureate]

Thanks guys...much appreciated....this is my first drop in a couple months so..yeah..hopefully I'll get better

[DthsMissingAngel]

This was really nice. It had a lot of emotion and imagery, as was stated above. If this is true.. My advise would be to just do what you feel is right in your heart. Im sure that a lot of people can relate to this and my b/f was the same way. Overall, I liked it. Keep up.

[Twizted Ayngel]

The flow was pretty much nice through the whole piece, but I felt (as someone above said) that the middle wasnt a little weaker then the beginning and ending. It was nicely written, and had some good emotion in it. Overall, for a "first piece in a while" this was very good, I enjoyed reading it.

PS. You're way better.

[Bounce]

Nice suttle and to the point! Good drop here lryic, you have a real nice approach to your writting style. Nothing too fancy, or overly loaded, everything was fliud and transitioned well when read aloud. I liked the raw emotion in this, nothing to draining, but raw and real in feel. Imagery was not an issue, as the strucutre, I like how the lines kind of matched up in length and count. If you could get them to balance out a bit more, this would improve the fluidness of the drop when read aloud or put to audio. Not that fliudness was a problem, but it might actually make this a tad bit better than it already is. Well I can relate to the message here, I am sure we all can. Well worth the read, keep elevating. You know I'm watching...

Bounce

[Laureate]

Thanks Angels and bounce...appreciate it...I will elevate after a while

[Poetik Thug]

nice poem got my attention from the beginning good job!!!!!!!!!!