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Thread: From Afar- Every Tile I Step

  1. #1
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    From Afar- Every Tile I Step

    From Afar- Every Tile I Step

    Distant emotions brought forward,
    my sold soul has wings every week.
    The glow, of this, beats whatever
    my mind, well, forgets to think.
    Inching my way to destination,
    well, possibly doom, you can give
    or take this away from me, but
    for gods sake, please say yes.
    Walking confidently, with butter-
    flying in my chest, I walk over
    desk. Just to get back to my
    seat, my cold... cold seat.
    To keep my imagination to an
    all time low. Remaining in this
    whole which I continuously,
    year after year, fall in. For now,
    I guess you could say I've fallen.
    From my all time high, but wasn't
    that high considering how I knew
    this was coming. The waves of
    notebook paper flowing to the
    young man sitting in front, and
    beside me, cause tension to heart.
    My mind falls apart, like discolored
    leafs at the jump of September.
    The tallest in my class, feeling more
    and more like the piece of grass
    that lays before my feet. I glance
    at it keenly, seeing a reflection of
    me. The paper opens, like the gates
    of hell were to blow me away, I can’t
    understand what would bring one man
    to this deed, to make one feel so low.
    To know and feel what I had, yet not
    she. She’s left clueless like the blue
    gum stuck to the bottom of my desk,
    engulfing me with its sorrow. Making
    me remember ever inch I stepped,
    across that white, cold, tile classroom floor.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  2. #2
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Bump.. c'mon people
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  3. #3
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    I liked this. As always your work is fairly depressing, But i liked it. I liked the fact you stayed on the whole 'cold' thing, It rang strong in my mind and described perfectly in one word the feeling that were provoked in this piece. the internals seemed well written, and pretty poetic language and phrasing, I enjoyed the general flow of it, easy read, simplistic to a certain extent, yet complex in others. Don't mean to go into the whole psychology of you, but maybe you need to try to be a little more optamistic about life. I was and still am depressed, but i'm being persistant enough to try to beat it. maybe you should try the same.

    Word, anyway, yeah nice piece.
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  4. #4
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    ^Thanks.. Yea, Idk, uh, I try to make most of my pieces that arent too bad about lifting your spirits like "On We Go". Thanks for the feed
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! RiQue's Avatar
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    Now this is a good one it had a great flow to it didnt get boring while reading very deep and dark words. The structure was properly held together and it had a good use of verbal skills

  6. #6
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    ^ Thanks
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  7. #7
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Uppin once more.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  8. #8
    Talent. Omega.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Absinth.
    I liked this. As always your work is fairly depressing, But i liked it. I liked the fact you stayed on the whole 'cold' thing, It rang strong in my mind and described perfectly in one word the feeling that were provoked in this piece. the internals seemed well written, and pretty poetic language and phrasing, I enjoyed the general flow of it, easy read, simplistic to a certain extent, yet complex in others. Don't mean to go into the whole psychology of you, but maybe you need to try to be a little more optamistic about life. I was and still am depressed, but i'm being persistant enough to try to beat it. maybe you should try the same.

    Word, anyway, yeah nice piece.
    ^^
    i have to agree with poeta man your drop was depressing and the emotion put me in your shoes and it felt real sad and that is a HUGE plus meanign you caught the readers attention...and you got me from start to finish i had to read twice just for the emotion and wordings my dude.
    i fairley liked this and was real nice in definition and really spoken well with depth of feelings and vision. i liekd it alot JON.

    RTF on any poetic scripture in my sig though i suggest my newest vail of dreams.
    Insane Joker Lyricists


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