Restive Heart

[Spoken]

Restive Heart

As I left your door with a heavy tread
Trampled against shackles of love
Mounds of nostalgia in my heart I felt
Fighting against a thousand pangs

If only I could take that fragrance so sweet
look in those shinny eyes, smile on the lips
damped my eyes and heart stopped to beat
the moment broke me down in shredded bit

Nowhere to go nowhere to hide
Obsessed by the notion of parting away
Miles of wilderness all in my sight
Shook me head to toe in a juddering sway

Wish could have captured cherished glimpse
My beloved’s pretty face and sodden eyes
Restive heart longed the moment ever since

[Spoken]

up.

[A.O.D]

This was a nice drop. But you need to drop feed on other people's peices and leave those links in here. That way you can get appropriate feedback and stuff of the nature.

[Poeta Demonio]

There is no rule that states links have to be shown, or for that matter someone can't just drop their piece and not feed on anyone elses pieces.

So, shut up noob.

[A.O.D]

*shock* My fucking bad, I forgot I was in PS instead of OM. I'm also not a newb. Don't let some post count fool you.


The ending was unexpected. I actually could have seen this end in a better way. It had good imagery and use of vocab... but the whole peice seems unfinished because of the ending.

[Poeta Demonio]

*shock* My fucking bad, I forgot I was in PS instead of OM. I'm also not a newb. Don't let some post count fool you.


The ending was unexpected. I actually could have seen this end in a better way. It had good imagery and use of vocab... but the whole peice seems unfinished because of the ending.

You're in WV to make numbers.

I don't give a fuck if you had a 50000000 post count with an 02 account, Your ability tells me you are a noob.

[Spoken]

thank you..for arguing...lmao. up.

[the artisan]

i liked this piece primarily for it's subject. granted i had to find out what restive meant first but i did like the way you tackled a break up and spun it on it's head a bit in the final stanza. i assume your intent was to surprise the reader by suggesting he caused the break himself, and it worked quite well. it was a nice look at the way some people are. occasionally i felt you could have gone a little more in depth with regard to your portrait of the narrator, and perhaps you could have produced images from more unusual details. many of your physical references were fairly commonplace, and i felt an eye for more interesting details would have made the piece seem more unique. anyway, nice read, could have had a little more to it though.



if you could drop a little feed on my piece 'another pursuit' i'd appreciate it a lot. i'm just getting started and although i can see where i'd like to improve i'd like some more points of view if possible. thanks.

[Spoken]

This was a nice piece, wonderful imagery and nice vocab, the beginning was good and so was the middle but i feel that u could have added on to the end of the poem it seemed to be like it was unfinished, like i was waitin for a bit more to read, but other than that, it was good..

[Spoken]

lmao, ok, thanks every one.