"My letter to you Part.2" -Mr.Write

[Ace of Aces]

nice piece. very much real and thats what I liked most about it. I read it as though everything written all came out at once. Which is intriguing because those are some of the rawest writes, the feeling of the moment. The content was strong, metaphors helped a lot in showing of the emotion. really enjoyable bro. feelin' the collab. yup.

aite man.

peACE

[Ace of Aces]

great stuff my friend. Very real piece, strong syntax, detail, and diction. Smooth like a convo and beautiful as a poem. separating into parts was an interesting approach, after all relationships is a series of parts, i don't know if you're resembling that at all, but i perceived that and it was dope. everything was good man, i wish the best for ya but im definitely down to collab.

[Ace of Aces]

srry for the double post

[Sublime D]

Well, I just read part 1...this is a good continuation...taking the reader further in the confused, damaged psyche of your protaganist...the why? is all the more clear, but the what? is still in question; the how? has been left alone...It's a common poetic progression....introduce charecter, evaluating his thoughts and emotions, recounting an event that the reader is trying to piece together from his/her fragmented memories.

I don't believe in commenting on or criticizing structure or style unless there is a lack thereof or a particular type was attempted and failed; or there is always the rare occasion when a poem has an innovative style or is executed extraordinarily well. This one suits its purpose well...

I can't wait for part three...i'm still intruiged, and now i know a little more about what's going on...I just need confirmation of the what? and a little more explanation of the how?

good work...

[King]

nice drop. i think if you went back over it, cut down on the length you could make it even better. mainly because at certain times, even though it contributed to the emotion of the piece, it seemed like you were just going off. this is an example of what i mean.

Read your letter today,
Wow! What a surprise.
You actually have time…
…to write a simple note to me.
One minute I’m there,
the next I’m gone?
What do you mean? BITCH!
i kept asking to come around,
You return the favor with excuses.
Ranting off at my ear about;
other chain of events that lurk…
…wildly from the past.
You conclude such vast
and eager conversations
with bullshit like this,
“I have school”- but I find out you don’t go.
“I have a bad headache”- but your on myspace
“Tiredness”- but you have the energy to go to the beach.

if the whole piece was like this i wouldnt see anything wrong with it. but its not. parts like this kind of throw of the flow. but the rest of it was very enjoyable. which is why i think if you were to go though it again and make it more consistent it would improve the overall quality. nevertheless it was definitely a good read. just trying to give you some insight on how to make it a lil better.

[Spoken]

thanks guys really appreciate your time man....thanks.