Sunday Afternoon

[Dayvid Aimz]

My stepmother just came in from church mass
My sunday school class is a collage of grunge videos
Kurdt Kobain is yelling about his teen spirit again
A girl at school said he's cute
I never get compliments like those
I'm so cold, aloof, out of the loop
I used to write her love letters
Love letters became carols
Carols become full-blown songs
Accompanied by flute solo's
Drenched in commercialism's backwash
Guatama Boddah is a muthafucka
Thats Muthafucka not Mother-Fucker
For my mother is special to me as Virgin Mary

My stepmother has brought along company
So I change the channel from hallowed flannel
"What do these two strangers want from me?"
Is the question that crosses my heretic mind
They ask me about school........................
I draw a blank cause I'm suspended as of NOW
Got into a fight with the boyfriend of the girl
I use to write so many pitiful love sonnets
What's Love, it should be about us
It should be about trust, not lust
My brother is late for work
He storms out looking for keys
Company remarks how "Your brother is cute".
I could just die on this Sunday Afternoon




Links:
The Night I Tried To Take My Life-Mcdreemz
End Of Summer-Stock

[Alphaeus]

Nice Dayvid
You wrote this piece well. It had that laid back feeling you get on a Sunday afternoon, it was a real easy read. It flowed well and you brought out some very nice imagery mainly in the second stanza.
I enjoyed the references to Kurt Kobain and also when you talked out writing love songs to a girl, I thought that was pretty clever and nicely worded

Another good piece Dayvid

[Vincent Maestro]

Nice Dayvid
You wrote this piece well. It had that laid back feeling you get on a Sunday afternoon,

Another good piece Dayvid

thanks for the feed Stock....I might edit in a stanza and make it a collab.
Be on standby or something like that....lolz.

[Spekz.]

I first read this and was like meh a bunch of meaningless rants, but then i let the concept sink in..and kinda re-read parts of it..and allowed the idea of what you just wrote, play back in my head as though i was sitting ghost in ur living room examining this actually become reality...and allowed the randomness of this piece become the importance of it aswell..because without the randomness, me the reader wouldnt be able to truly feel as though you were...so even though i think it was still a rant it worked out well in this case, but the effort was probably minimal due to the fact the word choice, language etc etc...was a bit novice...basically the thing that carried this piece was that it was ment to be reality, as though you were telling me how ur day was...but wanted me to live it, instead of you be heavily detailed... it was good for what it was probably ment to be... therefore good write.