DairyEntry#2435-

[David P]

DiaryEntry#2435-


hello once again dairy,
im back with another
dream entry.
this one is rather futuristic,
i hope you like it.


the date of the morning was,
nov.26, the reason i remember
is because its the day before
my fathers birthday, that i never knew.
i awoke in a brutal stage,
body numbed to sleep, while my mind wakes
so i stayed sleep, but not completely
i saw another day from here,
far away- december 24th 2012-
our world was at war,
the end was here, and the mayans were right
they tried to warn with the best
of their knowledge,
and thats what happened to their empire.
their fighting tactics weren't good
enough for the swift shifting aliens,
they were much stronger
and faster than the mortals.

i blink in excitement,
to know im having this dream
so i lay back down,
and continue in on the same thing.

back to our time, in 2008 today
nov.26 - the day before my fathers
birthday, that i never knew.
i noticed people love to train
in for UFC, and MMA.
those skills will be needed for our
future to remain,
we must battle hand in hand combat
with our superior enemies.

i was disturbed by cold air,
my fan was turned on.
so i got up to turn it off,
and then dosed on back to sleep.

i had a glimpse of the warfare,
it was like a chinese movie.
the kicks and high flying actions
over a dim sun light desert,
which was the main battlefield
in africa, i think the date was
december 23rd, 2012.
wow, you should have seen the view
apart from all the battles,
and bones flying across,
the desert really was beautiful,
and looked like gold.

and i remember trying
to keep dreaming about that same
thing, but something
was trying to stop me from breathing,
i struggled...and awoke-
i saw the shadow of a man,
that looked just like me,
on that morning, nov.26,
the day before my fathers birthday,
that i never knew.

then i went back to sleep,
after cutting off the tv.
i went further, all the way
to the last day, scientists
tried to make a way to
warn the future humans,
so they could be more advanced-
but their attempt would be futile,
for after a year of slavery,
a king came off the mother ship,
and the date was nov.27
the day of my fathers birthday,
that i never knew-
the king came to my fence,
and looked in my eyes,
as the air muted
a whisper was spoken,
im the one you never knew-

and i awoke, in cold sweats,
the fan was turned back on.
i realized what i saw,
and i hope you did too
dairy.
i saw my father,
and he was the ruler
of the 2 worlds now,
that's why i never knew him.
but now i do.
and you do to.

[David P]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...re-383723.html

[Blayde]

is it meant to be diary? and i'll edit feed soon.

[David P]

oh yeh. lol

[Vincent Maestro]

This was real trippy and spacy but I like poetry like that....really dug the storyline and how you tlaked about Mayans trying to forewarn us of the end of our civilization.....You reminded me of the movie apocalypto....seen it for the first time recently.

You had good structure and flow....for some reason it flowed more like an OM, imo.

i had a glimpse of the warfare,
it was like a chinese movie.
the kicks and high flying actions
over a dim sun light desert,
which was the main battlefield
in africa, i think the date was
december 23rd, 2012.
wow, you should have seen the view
apart from all the battles,
and bones flying across,
the desert really was beautiful,
and looked like gold.

Really liked these lines cause its like you were tkaing us into your "Dream Vision"....it was fun to imagine it all.

Good piece here,,,You seem to be getting better and taking your poetry more serious....thanks for this read.

(Cool title you gave it.)

[Jamhuri]

this was crazy great. funny in a sense. Once wrote something about illusions that was meant to be taken lightly. then guys tried figuring out the 'deeper' meaning and i had all crazy interpretations. hope this aint one of those.

repeating 'my fathers birthday, that i never knew.' had a good effect on the poem. it kind of joined together the pieces and bits, making it a single flow of thought(!)
overal nice. i liked it alot.

[Ebolorama]

I thought that this was a really interesting drop. I don't think that I have ever seen someone drop something from the Diary. I think that you should call it Journal since you're a guy. I thought that this had solid emotion and it was pretty long but carried itself very consistently

[Ace of Aces]

Interesting read. Very creative for the most part, that being the highlight of the piece. It was definitely worth the read, though it was long. I enjoyed your style, though people could argue that its not really much of a poem, as a opposed to only being what it really is, a diary. I think that you did a good job building the piece with the repetition of the line about what you never knew. Overall, good stuff. keep it up.

peACE