something small

[headfone]

I'm unique when it comes to technique
use my words to speak with a certain critique
fragile when you handle me im antique
lately it seems i switch flows every week
syllables and rhymes need 2 be in sync
for you 2 see what i see just to understand this thing
be aware of my instinct coz of sick thoughts I think
quick glance eye blink then I advance to plot ink
come to war with my pen ill devour your paper
an hour later 10 mcs dead fuck hater im a player
play the game the ways it suppose to be played
devil sent me from hell with a couple of grenades
pull the pin stepped back blew away your entire parade
sick minded demented i hope u attract aids
one of a kind im handmade
this aint real its simulation arcade
i aint soft.. no bitch cuts.. get band aids
grab a jar of salt and a bottle of peroxide
no carbon dioxide contemplating suicide
for now ill sit back and feel my blood bubble from inside

[Xistence]

this was cool with some of the word play but i found it kinda boring and short the flow was good and the structure was good it's just that you need to work on your delivery but you had some really good punchlines in it and it kinda bored me cause it was a general topic and it seemed like you were going on a rant more than your title of something small but it was good and no hate just keep gettin higher
return the feed please
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ce-400357.html

[Vallus]

The flow was a bit simple like X said and you used some simple grammer
But it's a good steping stone with which to elevate from

Your flow and structure both had solidity and with some more creative concepts
and some wider range of vocabulary used, you could have something hot

I liked the part about grenades blowing up someones entire parade...lol

Don't forget to choose a rhyme scheme as well...it helps
Even if you switch it up a bunch


A,B
A,B
A,A
B,B
A,B,A
A,B,A

You know what I mean...


Stay up and elevating^

[Damian Gray]

I thought this was cool matey, it had a nice story to it and I felt the ways of your writing. Your flow was a little simple but I still enjoyed the read and your words used.
Keep it up mate, a good read.

[headfone]

thank yall... how can i work on a better vocab? by reading the dictionary?

[Sänity]

^ Actually yes. A freestyle battler Supernatural used to read the dictionary to improve his vocab. Personally, I don't care for that, I write most of my stuff for audio but post it here because I won't have a mic until late July but I find if you use bigger words your flow can suffer and I would much rather have good flow. some people like a good vocab but I prefer good concepts like

devil sent me from hell with a couple of grenades
pull the pin stepped back blew away your entire parade

Keep it up, I liked it

BTW post links on two pieces you have left feed on or this will get closed..

[headfone]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ce-400357.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...04#post7082004

[headfone]

good lookin