Heartless remix

**Futile** · June 8th, 2009, 09:08 PM

i decided to spit to a kanye beat and wrote that shit down.
heres the instrumental
this is meant for the second verse and keep the other shit the same

how could you be so, dr evil,
word spreads fast like she know, he know
have you heard the story of a women so heartless,
got in my face, im like women dont start this
cause to be honest woman i miss you
to be honest woman i dont wanna argue
to be honest womean i need you
i will walk a lonely road
if thats where you want me to go
she appears to feel my heart is a game
life is a lie, and the lie is always the same
and i want you, you again
i not lookin, for just a friend
and i admit, i lost my soul
to a women so heartless

**Futile** · June 8th, 2009, 10:25 PM

no feed?

**Vallus** · June 9th, 2009, 06:32 AM

pretty short for a thread....
Flow was a bit mismatched in places like the first two lines...

and

miss you
argue
need you

don't rhyme....

It was from the heart...that's cool I'm feelin that

I liked the part about she feels my heart is a game lie always the same
that was pretty good

stay up^

**KID L** · June 9th, 2009, 11:14 AM

a bit short but sounded like poetry...nice

**Chef Boy** · June 9th, 2009, 03:01 PM

First off, each drop must be AT LEAST 16 lines... you have 15.
Secondly, you need to post 2 links displaying feedback you gave others.

As far as feed for this piece, it was very short. The flow was a bit off, and the rhymes were quite basic. There are no lines that really stuck out to me. I'm glad to see you tried to stay with a topic, but its not telling much. It was an ok read but there is room for improvement.