1st rap

[KidRapper360]

Ya i heard that you killed a tick man wtf you just sucked a boys dick i cant belive wat im seeing seein man you man dued wtf ur tan u think your straight man you know your not your 52 and you havent had a date man take what you can take Looks like you will nrver get a mate you need some help man your drinking is out of hand dued i cant belive you got a all gay band can i join i might bring some girls wait no im scaired youll make one hurl now my raps done man i hate you a ton -drops mic-

[Kizmit_TUC]

No.

[Sänity]

^^ First rap, be nice...I'm sure yours wasn't amazing either

You need to structure it better and don't use slang, wen u rite lik ths in ur rap it makes it sound like you don't really care, it SHOULD look like this:

Ya i heard that you killed a tick man
what the fuck you just sucked a boys dick
I cant believe wat im seeing man
yo man dude, what the fuck your tan, you think your straight man?
you know your not, your 52 and you havent had a date man
take what you can take, Looks like you will never get a mate
you need some help man, your drinking is out of hand
dude i cant belive you got a all gay band, can I join? I might bring some girls
wait no im scared you'll make one hurl, now my raps done I hate you a ton
-drops mic-

the way it went without commas or anything made it hard for me to structure but I think you get the idea. The piece itself is what I expected for a first rap, I know mine sucked, I went and re-read it a while ago and couldn't believe I ever thought it was good. Also, work on your multi's, Here is a good example of a multi

Note: This is not mine, this was posted in a cypher thread by Kazper

I'm a dyslexic blessed with the profession of bein' the best kid ...
.. To compress sick, mixed with the rest of the complex shit you invest in
To condence simp. I progress with the rise of progression ...
.. From prime to a less man, standin' over the line's that You sketchin'
Mind's are a question so I'm guessin' logic's the answer ...
.. Project of cancer testin' the profit standerds like coppin' banner
Ontop of the handers beggin' for change and cloths to wear ...
.. I solemly swear I'm takein' the game hostage till the holes repaired.

that is a sick multi piece,

Another thing to consider is the flow and syllable count in each line and word that rhyme combined with multi's will make a piece so much better. So keep at it, you will only get better if you keep writing

[Cody Nash]

no links. closed.