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[143]

I am versed in rehearsing feelings

My heart is layered in fabricated love notes to validate the ignorance my soul holds
You tell me of dreams and I laugh at possibilities
Smirking to the stars that drop when I disappoint
Then walk away with regrets dancing a jig

Still I read in the scripted actions that you still love me

You can't love a disjointed man to get straight
Living a facade around stale building blocks
Knowing the hazards of falling you still try to rise
I pull the rugged under your feet and throw you a dead cellphone for your aid

I can't do this
I need to be true
Stop caring about the inner me
It finds no windows to call out of
I have locked its future to the damnation of hell

So get the HELL away

Let me bath in the sun drying the last of hope

Burning

Relaxing...

- - - Updated - - -

http://rapbattles.com/showthread.php?490119-They&p=8793952&viewfull=1#post8793952

http://rapbattles.com/showthread.php?490120-Dear-Child&p=8793954&viewfull=1#post8793954

[Emily]

I really liked the opening line here, but it's the flow and wording of the second line that I truly love.
"...My heart is layered in fabricated love notes to validate the ignorance my soul holds..."
That's great. So much information there, in only few words, flow golden, msg deep. Sweet.
I thought the 'still love me' line was good, as was the 'dead cell phone line' I liked the humble nature
of that 'love me' line. I liked that you said that. And I could see the actions in the dead cell phone line(even with the 'rugged' typo)
Good imagery.
I get a feeling of you not wanting to love the person you love, being scared you'll break again...maybe...out of fear she'll break you.
Who would go into the trouble of saying all these words to someone that doesn't matter?
Interesting.

"... Let me bath in the sun drying the last of hope

Burning

Relaxing..."

'...the last of hope...'

Beautiful. Leaves a wonderful taste.

(I also thought that the 'get the hell AWAY...' was clever. Smart wording there.

Good to have you back here dropping 143.

I enjoyed this deep, emotional read.

Thank you.

[TheIllyricist]

I am versed in rehearsing feelings

First, thanks for feeding 'Dear Child'. I really appreciate the feed and your thoughts. You're a great writer with a unique voice. Aight, enough of that lol. Now, onto the work. Excellent opening my man. Could you have wanted to say 'Versed in rehearsed feelings' instead of rehearsing? Just my own input, I think you get the same verbal punch with either one but with a bit of added technically rhythmic smooth flow with 'rehearsed' over 'rehearsing', but I suppose it's all about you and what you specifically wanted to say. Regardless, great opener. You are a veteran of emotions and understand how to practice your feelings to make them seem real; and on the flip side you can recognize the same in others with what they do. Cool way to put that idea into words.

My heart is layered in fabricated love notes to validate the ignorance my soul holds
You tell me of dreams and I laugh at possibilities
Smirking to the stars that drop when I disappoint
Then walk away with regrets dancing a jig

I like the way you paint a shielded heart. Protected by 'false' love notes that don't feel real due to the scripted nature of them. A skeptic's heart it seems, defending itself from being broken thus it refuses to take any chances. But, in the end, you walk away with regrets and missed possibilities that could have been dreams turned reality.

Still I read in the scripted actions that you still love me

Her actions are scripted? Your actions are scripted? There's a lot of ways to read this, and it's one of my favorite lines here. Perhaps despite those scripted actions, you see that she does love you. Makes you afraid because you're too much of a broken man to love back or accept that love. What a loaded and beautiful line. Great work 143.

You can't love a disjointed man to get straight
Living a facade around stale building blocks
Knowing the hazards of falling you still try to rise
I pull the rugged under your feet and throw you a dead cellphone for your aid

Despite your mess, she still loves you yet you can't bring yourself to really love the person you love. Trying to make her see that this relationship is a facade and if you pull the curtain up she'd see the stale building blocks that are you that are ready to crumble. Yet, she keeps trying.

I can't do this
I need to be true
Stop caring about the inner me
It finds no windows to call out of
I have locked its future to the damnation of hell

You can't let her, it's driving you crazy. You tell her to stop trying to find the inner beauty in you because you feel it can't come out. This is really sad, man. Very relatable shit here.

So get the HELL away

I don't care about the 'artistic' value of this. This is just strong, straight from the heart. I love it. Also bolding 'hell' after talking about damnation of hell was pretty clever in its own right.

Let me bath in the sun drying the last of hope

And there comes the poetic. The visual taste here is excellent. Bathing in the final warmth, drying out the last bits of hope there are left.

Burning

Burning in your own inner hell. The single words here in the end bring up a lot of different thoughts and feelings.

Relaxing...

Perhaps there is some peace in being able to just relax alone and burn with the final embers of hope, fading away into the oblivion of nothingness and apathy. Shit. I really enjoyed this 143.

Good to see you drop something 'round here, 143. This was deep, heartfelt, and honest. I appreciate you taking the time to write and share this; thanks man.